STUPID MYTHS FOR STUPID TIMES.

Nick Sun
20 min readNov 6, 2021

WOMBERS AND FREELINGS — A SCI-NON-FI FABLE:

Once beneath a time, there was a fictional planet that went by the completely made-up name of Aerth. Lots and lots of things proceeded to happen on this planet. Then one day, a virus named Poovid was released upon it’s inhabitants.
Whether the virus was real or fictional, accidentally or intentionally released, was not the point. What was definitely real was the amount of division it created between the Aerthlings. There was even division within the Aerthlings that had roughly the same beliefs about what the hell was going on. Still, nobody really knew what the hell was actually going on, least of all the Aerthlings who were yelling the loudest about how they were the ones who really knew what the hell was actually going on. It was enough to make one scream bloody murder as they inserted their smart phone up their asshole with such velocity that they puked it out of their mouth and directly into a trash compacter.
Really the virus was just one more existential threat in a long line of existential threats that may or may not have been actually real, designed to scare the splattering crap out of the Aerthlings. This had been going on since the dawn of their cursed and blessed time on their terrible and wonderful Aerth.
Before the virus, there had been this thing called Errorism, which involved groups of Aerthlings with particular belief systems that made them want to kill other groups of Aerthlings who had different belief systems and also belonged to countries who’s Gubberments were perpetually assfucking the Errorist’s countries for various resources and political reasons.
Before Errorism there had been a whole host of other existential threats that had threatened the Aerthling’s peace of mind: war, invasion by disgusting and scary immigrants, apocalyptic weather, apocalyptic natural calamities, economic collapse, environmental collapse, boybands that made you question your sexuality and so on and so on…
There had even been several other viruses preceding the one in question. Most of the names of these diseases were a combination of a pre-existing disease and an animal. Pig Herpes, Mad Cow Pox, Bird Syphilus, Frog AIDS etc… But the difference between these previous diseases and Poovid was that according to the Painstream Peedia, lots more people were getting Poovid, especially in the Western…

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Nick Sun

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